COPY CAT *

(A full length play)

by DIPO KALEJAIYE.

Excerpt from ACT 1 Sc.3

CHARACTERS:

LULA: Roy’s Sister

ROY: Lula’s estranged brother

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ROY: Lula!

LULA: Oh! the devil in your eyes again. I ain't gon' say no more.

ROY: Lula!!

LULA: I said I ain't gon' say no more.

ROY: Lula!!!

LULA: Yes?

ROY: How come you never got married?

LULA: That ain't none of your business.

ROY: Come on, I've been wanting to ask you that.

LULA: Get away from me LeRoy. I said it ain't none of your business.

ROY: Man at 42 you are so beautiful. Long, jet-black hair. That got to be from the Indian from Mama's side.

LULA: I ain't got no Indian in me.

ROY: Oh! Yes you do. Long, jet-black hair like that. You sure got some Indian in you. Yes, you got some Cherokee blood in you. Me. . . I think I take after Papa's people. They don't have any Indian in them. I think they got. . . Papa used to say Scott and Irish. Yes, that's what I got in me, Scott and Irish.

LULA: I said get away from me, Roy. You don lost your mind?

ROY: So how come you never got married? You are so beautiful Lula. Why on earth didn't you ever get married?

LULA: I ain't saying. . .

ROY: Oh! Come on. You can tell your little brother right?

LULA: Well. . . I was too busy all the time taking care of Miss Elsie.

ROY: That can't be the reason. Come on, tell me the real reason.

LULA: Really!

ROY: I don't believe that. Miss Elsie had a husband. . . David or something. Why would she not let you get a husband? Someone who will take care of you?

LULA: I can take care of myself. I don't need no man.

ROY: I know that, but you know what I mean.

LULA: Well. . . let me see. . . I had a boyfriend.

ROY: Yes…

LULA: Jamal Johnson.

ROY: Boy, I remember Jamal Johnson . . . man . . . that was a long time ago.

LULA: I know that.

ROY: So what happened to Jamal Johnson?

LULA: Well Miss Elsie was living in Florida then. And Jamal used to come around telling me he love me and he was gon' marry me. Well, I like him too. Tall, handsome and

black. . . I mean jet black. He had muscles like John Henry. He had muscles that will put a. . . sledge hammer to shame. Old Henry . . . yes, that's what I used to say. . . I used to call him Old John Henry. Well. . . his friends called him JJ.

ROY: Like JJ Walker! (laughs)

LULA: Just JJ. Ain't no Walker in it. Just JJ.

ROY: All right . . . then what happened?

LULA: He was really nice. He used to spoil me. He would buy me gifts three times a week, Roy. You buy a woman gifts 3 times a week . . . you got to really love that woman.

ROY: So . . . you should be with him. I think he lives in New York City now, doesn't he? I've seen him several times.

LULA: Yes, that's where he moved to, but I ain't finished my story about how come we ain't together no more.

ROY: Alright, I'm listening.

LULA: (pouring drinks) Here, drink this. It ain't whiskey.

ROY: That's okay, Lula. Thanks, soda is fine.

LULA: (drinks from her glass) So one day I let him in, like I normally did, around 6 p.m. He just got off work. He wanted to see me. I had to go take care of dinner for Miss Elsie. That was a lot of work just getting dinner ready for Miss Elsie. And heck, I got to wait on her. It would take her 2 hours to finish dinner. She loved chicken soup. I had to make chicken soup every day fresh, right from scratch. She used to say chicken soup was medicine. That it could cure any illness. Well, I finished with Miss Elsie that evening, and it was getting up on 9 o'clock. Miss Elsie went to bed every night at 9 o'clock. I got back to my room, and I thought I was looking at hell.

ROY: Hell?

LULA: Yes. There was Jamal Johnson all dressed up in my clothes, with lipstick and earrings on. He even put on my powder that was on the dresser. I thought I was about to die! My stomach turned, I was about to throw up.

ROY: A cross-dresser! A transvestite!

LULA: I don't know anything about all that trans. . . . whatever you call it. Well, he apologized and began to take my clothes off, telling me he got something to tell me. I was standing by the door, I wasn't gon' go near him looking like that. I stood by the door. He kept apologizing, saying he got something to tell me--that he's been in love with women's clothes since he was nine years old. He said women’s clothes just really turned him on. I just stood there shaking my head. All I could say was "Lord have mercy." It was all that came out of my mouth; "Lord have mercy." Then he said, "Don't just stand there saying "Lord have mercy." I said I've got something to tell you." And all I could say was

ROY & LULA: (in unison) "Lord have mercy." (They burst out laughing.)

LULA: Then he said the reason he ain't never made love to me was because he was homosexual.

ROY: A homosexual?

LULA: That's what he said Roy, and again all I could say was

ROY and LULA: Lord have mercy!

LULA: Then he was standing there telling me, "Can't we still be friends?" I said honey, ain't no way in the world we gon get married now. How am I gon' walk up the aisle at Greensboro African Community Church with the organ playing "Here Comes the Bride." Who's gon be the bride? So I said to him

ROY & LULA:"Lord have mercy." (Laughter as before)

LULA: Then he said he really liked me. . . as a friend that is. . . but that he is still em. . . that he was still. . .

ROY: Gay!

LULA: Yes, gay. That if he can't be friends with me. . . I'm really going to break his heart. He even said I was like his mother. Then I said again. . .

ROY and LULA: Lord have mercy.

LULA: Quit Roy, you don't even believe in God.

* First performed at The Black Repertory Theatre, Berkeley, California in May 2004.